This time of year – especially the detox from the holidays – always seems to bring about a lot of emotions for me. (Those that know me are laughing, since I’m a prreettyyyyy emotional person). Anyways!
There just seems to be no shortage of feelings – anticipation during Advent, overwhelmed at the thought of God becoming Man, joy of being with family, stress that can the holidays bring, gratitude for all that is good, and humility for where we seem to always fall short.
As I found myself over these past few weeks jumping from one place to another St. Louis – Pittsburgh – Minnesota – St. Louis – Nashville – and finnaallyyyyyy St. Louis, I found myself thinking a lot about these feelings. The same feelings that make us human, yet make us weary of sharing our humanity with others. I don’t know if that’s universally true, but I know it’s true for me. It is when I’m most overwhelmed – with whatever the emotion is – that I have the hardest time running to others, and most problematically to God.
It’s no coincidence that all these thoughts are culminating on this day – January 6th, the Feast of the Epiphany. On the day where the Church celebrates (can I still say that if it was technically celebrated this past Sunday? Anyone?), I’m reminded that the only thing that matters is that I am following that star.
When I was in Nashville, I had the privilege of stopping over at the FOCUS (an awesome national organization that seeks to spread the Gospel on college campuses) conference. This conference – which is appropriately called “SEEK” consisted of almost 10,000 college students doing exactly what the wisemen did 2000 years ago – dropping everything and following the Lord at all costs.
As I had the privilege of seeing the joy on the faces of all who SEEK, I found myself that day so in awe – of a God that is so big and a Church that is so wide. I kid you not, I ran into SIXTEEN people that day that I did not expect to see. Friends from high school, college, random trips, and friends of friends. It was absurd moment after absurd moment of God reminding me that we are not alone in this journey of seeking the one who is Love.
Unfortunately, in day to day life, it often feels like I am clawing, frantically grabbing towards God rather than fearlessly seeking after Him with the knowledge that others are doing the same. And you know what? That’s okay. When things seem hard, when the emotions are harder, there is just one thing that matters. That we still seek Him. That we seek Him in the good, the bad, the hard, the emotional. That we seek Him because we know that He is Love – that we seek Him because the star is always shining us, and the darkness will not be overcome.
Tomorrow is my 23rd birthday – birthdays always hold a new promise. The promise of a new year, clean slate, another chance to get it right. But my hope is that this year will hold joy in the journey, and confidence in the knowledge that the path has been cleared before me. After all, wise men (and women!) still seek Him.